A Feeling Like No Other

Photo Credit: Amazing friend Neema Patel :)

I had 39 weeks to prepare for this moment, I thought. I knew what I was going to feel per say. But I didn't know to what depth I would experience these emotions. I know what love is. I have experienced it in many capacities and levels of intensity. But the love I felt and continue to feel is all encompassing, transcendental, and omnipotent. Being a mother, for me, has made me feel the closest I've ever felt to the Creator. For the first time, I feel this fierce energy field around me. It's invisible but I feel it flowing through me. There's something inside of me that coincides with this spirit.

There are many times I find myself lost in his eyes, marveling at his presence. I made him? He is a combination of us? How does my body know how to do this? Was he really inside of me for 39 weeks? I look at the ultrasounds and then at him - the dots are all there - physical proof of his evolution. Baffled and in awe. Maybe out of touch, naive, and totally living in a bubble. All of this is true. His tiny fingers, toes, patches of light hair, small movements, little squeals, all perfectly refined through millions of tiny processes carried out by my body. My body, I spoke out loud. Wow, it can do all that? Pieces of my husband and I carefully sewn together to delicately craft our son. He is the sum of two lineages. I feel like I've always known him. I now know that I've always felt him within my husband's smile, laughter, touch, and eyes. Now that I have my mom glasses on, I can see how present he's always been in our lives.

He makes me feel so many things at once on a level untapped and unexplored until now. There's an innocence to me that I didn't know existed - It's just that I never understood any of it this way. I'm not the first or the last to describe what motherhood is. But for me, this is a feeling like no other. I'm enlightened.